I have learned over the years that when parents trust you
and understand the “why” behind your ministry purpose, they release more of
their student to your influence. When parents don’t trust you or understand the
“why”, they may let their students attend programming but limit the positive
support they offer at home.
For example, when parents trust you, you could advertise a “Mystery
Night” activity subtitled: “bring a bag of cash, chain saw, lighter and toilet
paper”, and they would send their kid. Without trust you could advertise, “Indoor
Reading Party” and they would be looking on with nervous hesitation.
So how can we earn the trust needed for parents to partner
with us in the discipleship process of their kids?
Here are my 5 Top Things we can do:
Here are my 5 Top Things we can do:
1. Make sure your
purpose and discipleship process is crystal clear
If you and volunteer leaders don’t know what the purpose and
process is, parents will have no idea. Therefore, if you don’t have a stated
purpose make the time to stop and establish one that helps achieve the stated
purpose of your church. If you have one, make sure parents know what it is.
Post it, mail it, print it and communicate it over and over and send it from
the department of redundancy department until it’s part of the DNA of everyone
involved.
2. Make sure the
“why” is answered
No matter what you do to accomplish your purpose it is your
programming. Therefore, make sure everyone involved knows the “why” behind
every part of the programming. Why is mid-week different than Sunday? Why do
you have more games on Sunday and more serious stuff on Tuesday night? Why do
you go here for a summer experience vs here? When the “why” is answered it
brings clarity, calmness and an environment that facilitates the needed
partnership.
3. Give audience to
your harshest critics
Parents who don’t like you or are nervous about you are
already talking so why not have them talking in your favor? It is important to be
humble in the process of hearing them out and getting to the real reason they may
not trust you yet. I once had a family mad at me because they “thought they
heard” I was promoting dating and kissing with the middle school students. When
we finally met, things were cleared up and the mom became a wonderful leader starting
the next year. Another time a family did
not like that I replaced their beloved pastor. Therefore, they didn’t like any
changes to the way things were. After we met a few times trust was developed as
I explained the purpose and why behind everything we were doing. Today three
from that family are serving in the student ministry at our church.
4. Lift up parents in
their God designed role
Share with students God’s commands to parents. God set apart
parents to be the primary disciple-makers of their kids. If we work to build
ourselves up, bad mouth “out of touch parents” and avoid the involvement of
parents, we are doing it wrong. There is a need for student ministries in
churches to come alongside parents and help them with tracks to run on where
needed. Promote families to go to the main church service together. Host environments
for parent/teen conversations happen. Ask parents for help with special activities.
This will build up them up in front of their kids and probably change their
home environment.
5. Be Available
If you say your “office door is always open”, it needs to be
that – open. If attempts are made to get together with you and you avoid them
or take days to respond, you stifle the trust building process. Respond to
texts and emails in a timely manner. Go to games, plays, chess matches and sit
with parents. Accept invites over for dinner or offers for help. People who
want to serve you or get to know you need the opportunity.
When we make time to build trust with parents they will more
likely choose to partner with us.
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